Carla was a young woman who had a compulsive need to be liked, to be popular, and be approved of. Not surprisingly, she was never content and rarely happy. With the source of her self-respect outside of her, attached to the ever-changing opinions of others, she was never secure in herself. She was like a feather blown about in the wind.
Tom was a middle-aged man going through a separation with his wife. He could not imagine a life without her for he had always projected his soul upon her. Not surprisingly, her withdrawal sent him into an emotional free-fall. His attempts to pressure her back into the relationship only pushed her further away.
She wanted him to get a better sense for his own life and to be less dependent upon her. However, it was hard for him to focus on himself and to develop a relationship with his own soul. Neither did he want to accept that he only had limited influence on the situation and his wife’s ultimate decision. He was more concerned with his own goals than in discovering and serving the goals of his deeper self. It was easier to search for his soul outside of himself than within himself.
Both of these people made themselves the dependent servants of others whose attitudes and opinions they desperately attempted to control. They did not serve their soul, strive to honor their own developmental process, or attend to the discovery and service of their own calling.
We are all meant to serve the unfolding process of our personality and life calling, what is sometimes called the Tao. To do so is liberating and yields a relationship to others that is authentic rather than calculating, self-responsible and mature rather than psychologically dependent, creative rather than egocentric.
Focus on and commitment to your own path, or calling, in life frees you from unhealthy bondage to those outside of you. You are more spiritually self-contained, caring more about honoring your true self than a role/persona that is there to simply please others. Things find their proper place and a healthy hierarchy of priorities is established. You accept what life brings you, experiencing obstacles as opportunities rather than just frustrations.
Placing greater value on what you think of yourself as opposed to what other people think of you is liberating and centering. Caring more about following the process that is trying to unfold in your life, rather than imposing your goals and aims upon life, is a form of surrender that relieves tension, gives stability to the personality, and allows magic to take place. Giving priority to your relationship to your own soul and God leads you to your higher destiny and the truth of your own being.
Copyright © Andy Drymalski, Ed.D.
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